The Top 10 Lamest Supervillains! (They’re Hilariously Ineffective!)
Suicide Squad has exploded into theaters and the results are…well…mixed to say the least. One thing we can all agree on though is the cast; there are a TON of likable baddies in the movie! Creepy, entertainingly evil and sometimes even sympathetic, everybody loves a good villain! But with all the awesome villains filling our favorite comics or populating our favorite films, there are bound to be a few duds. Silly, bad at being bad, or just plain dumb, let’s just say we won’t being seeing a “Suicide Squad 2” starring any of these guys! Step into the weirder side of evil as we take a look at the top 10 lamest supervillains.
-
Sportsmaster!
Yes, I know I sound “muffled.”
Kicking things off, we have Sportsmaster! His gimmick? He uses sports gear to commit crimes and…uh…that’s kind of it! While there have been several people to take up the mantle, the gimmick hasn’t gotten any less silly! He may have gotten a cool coat of paint in the Young Justice cartoon, but how could he really be taken seriously? The sports theme only worked for one guy; Casey Jones you are not!!
-
Xamot and Tomax (The Crimson Twins)!
We share sentences!
The world of G.I. Joe has a lot of weirdoes running around, but these 2 truly exemplify a unique and terrible strangeness!! Tomax and Xamot lead the elite troops of Cobra and even help fund the group using their status as CEOs of Extensive Enterprises. So how did they procure a spot on the list?? Well, turns out since their twins, the brothers communicate telepathically and even finish each other’s sentences! That’s a little annoying, but it’s also their greatest weakness since it allows the two to feel each other’s pain!
When you stop and think about it, this makes Tomax and Xamot the worst soldiers to send into battle!! If one gets sniped or accidentally steps on a landmine, that’s it for both of them. Game over!! With a weakness like that, it’s easy to see how the Joes were able to beat them every time. Maybe you two should’ve stuck to the whole CEO thing!?
-
Polka-Dot Man (AKA Mr. Polka-Dot)!
Now read it back to me!
Gotta be honest, this spot almost went to the Rainbow Raider, but Polka-Dot Man won out for being even more ridiculous. Probably one of Batman’s strangest villains, Polka-Dot Man has a suit covered in (you guessed it) polka-dots that, when peeled off, become different gadgets. Sounds useful, but let’s remember that his power relies on polka-dots, and his very ugly costume is covered in said dots! From his weird, dot-based obsession to his “Froot Loops in milk” colored costume, there’s little chance Polka-Dot Man will ever be in the next Suicide Squad!
-
Trapster (AKA Paste-Pot Pete)!
“Stick” around. Get it?
Now here’s a guy who just can’t win at anything! The Trapster is a Marvel villain who uses a special paste gun against his enemies. Yup, he fights with glue! That’s silly enough, but he used to go by Paste-Pot Pete, which is…profoundly stupid. Poor old Pete only changed his name when he ran into Spider-Man, who couldn’t stop laughing at him. Always easily beaten by the good guys and even abandoned by his teammates in the Frightful Four, Trapster is pretty much a failure on every level. The guy is just a glue gun-toting punching bag for everyone in the Marvel Universe, heroes and villains alike!
-
Slug!
Is my aesthetic…displeasing?
Pop quiz: what do you get when you cross the Kingpin with Jabba the Hutt? You get the big tub of lame known as Slug! Other than being named after one of the least threatening things on the planet, Slug is a crime boss who’s just really, really fat. Unlike Kingpin or Blob, he’s not hiding any strength under that fat; in fact, Slug is actually so fat he can’t even move without help! His fat only lets him float on water and choke victims in the folds of his body (what a way to go)! This makes Slug pretty useless in a fight, who mostly hides behind his henchmen as he tries to get away! Even after battling the likes of Captain America and Spider-Man, Slug is just a cowardly Wilson Fisk wannabe who only ends up being a lot of deadweight!!
-
Stilt-Man!
Thankfully, it’s nothing serious.
Behold, the only Marvel villain with a sillier weapon than Trapster’s paste gun!! A long-time foe of Daredevil’s, Stilt-Man’s a thief who uses a suit of armor that can extend its legs into giant stilts. This would be fine, if his archenemy was a “you must be this tall to ride” sign!! Stilt-Man would constantly stage robberies and other weird schemes only to be easily beaten by the Marvel heroes (especially Daredevil).
Besides his goofy armor, he’s also an incompetent inventor whose gadgets always backfire. Stilt-Man is nothing but a laughing stock, and anyone wearing the ridiculous suit is always met with the same amount of humiliation. You’d think those long legs could outrun the shame!
-
Codpiece!
He’s…uh…a horrible shot.
Uh…okay….wow…I mean just….wow! I think this one speaks for itself! Moving on!!
-
Kite Man!
If there’s a wind, there’s a way!
I just had to talk about Kite Man. How could I not? It takes a special kind of crazy to be considered a weirdo in Batman’s rogue gallery, and Kite Man is exactly that brand of crazy! Charles Brown (yes, his real name is Charlie Brown) was a supervillain who would be hired to break criminals out of prison, using special kites to fly.
If the name isn’t a giveaway, everything Kite Man does revolves around kites! Give him credit though; he fully commits to his gimmick! He even uses smaller kites to fight!! Kite Man suffered many humiliating defeats at the hands of Batman, Hawkman, and Hawkgirl. Gee, I wonder why…Oh yeah, it’s because kites are dumb weapons!! Whenever anyone talks about lame supervillains, you can be sure Kite Man will be mentioned…repeatedly.
-
Asbestos Lady!
She really didn’t think this through…
She’s not just lame, she’s also a little sad! Asbestos Lady was a villainess that used “asbestos science” to create an asbestos-lined suit and other asbestos-themed gear to do battle with the original Human Torch. While her arsenal was effective against the Torch, she was pretty much useless against anyone else!
Despite her huge hatred for the Human Torch, her biggest enemy was actually her own gear! You see boys and girls, the lesson of the day is that you should never make a suit out of asbestos! It turns out being around the stuff for so long gave Asbestos Lady very aggressive cancer, which ultimately took her life! If her career says anything, it’s that Asbestos Lady had a poor gimmick that suddenly became a tragic, double-edged sword!
-
The Condiment King!
We’ve seen a lot of lame supervillains on this list, some of which could’ve been shoo-ins for the top spot. However, there can only be one king! So, who could possibly top glue guns, kites, and polka-dots? Well, none other than the “Sultan of Sauce” himself, the Condiment King! Oh man, where do I even begin with this guy? Well, originally appearing in Batman: The Animated Series, Condiment King was created as a gag on the campy villains from the Adam West TV show.
With his theme based around condiments, this crazy weirdo shoots ketchup and mustard at people (all while spouting lame condiment puns). Condiment King is just a walking punch-line; every single ounce of him oozes lame! From his gimmick, to his weapons, to his many stupid looking costumes, Condiment King isn’t even a little threatening. No, really, say this out loud without cracking a smile: “Oh, no! Look out, it’s Condiment King!!” Told you, it’s impossible!! The only way he’d ever join the Suicide Squad is if he ran the prison mess hall! He may be the king of condiments, but he’s also the king of throwaway villains!
Any incredibly lame supervillains you want to add? Let me know below!