So, did you actually watch the Super Bowl for the reason it’s intended to be watched? For the whole helmet-crashing, elbow inverting, end-zone derrière-slapping affair?? No, I didn’t think so. If you’re like me, you were there for one reason (several reasons, actually): to view the release of brand new superhero trailers for your favorite, upcoming superhero films. And yes, I’m aware that each and every one is considered your ‘favorite.’
If, for some reason, you found yourself distracted and not a full-on Super Bowl trailer loyalist like myself, there’s a chance you may have actually missed one or several of the recently released Superhero trailers. If this is the case, than fear NOT my trailer-missing friend; I collected RIGHT HERE for your convenient, succinct consumption the following Superhero trailer roundup containing every superhero-themed trailer puffing its chest and asserting its celluloid certainty during Super Bowl 50. Oh, and I ranked them from 1-5, 1 being the very best, 5 being incredibly enjoyable but not the coolest cat on Trailer Street.
1. The Super Bowl 50 Deadpool Trailer! LOOKOUT!
He always wanted to be a professional athlete, a cow-herder and/or an ice cream man, so why wouldn’t he debut his latest trailer during Super Bowl 50? And what does being a cow-herder or ice cream man have to do with sports? Cow-herding is a VERY athletic occupation, and ice cream man…uh…Check out this cool new Deadpool trailer featuring Deadpool! And while you’re at it, check out this very unathletic, non-confrontational, incapable-of-melting Deadpool merchandise!
2. The Super Bowl 50 Captain America: Civil War Trailer!
Captain America wants to run around the globe and stop threats as soon as they occur, and he wants to do this without all that governmental red-tape mucking up Avengers’ response time. Unfortunately, when things go pear-shaped, someone somewhere has to be held accountable. And when certain accords are crafted to outline said accountability, who should enforce said SAID accountability?? Iron Man, of course. Oh, and when you decide to ‘go rogue,’ I implore you not to defend a known terrorist. Just throwing it out there, Rogers.
Best scene? Stark ‘growing’ a gauntlet and taking a shot from Barnes’ barrel at point blank range. The look of surprise on Tony’s face is absolutely remarkable. Well played, RDJ.
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3. Two brand new Batman V Superman TV spots!
Even though they weren’t part of Super Bowl 50’s official trailer line-up, these 2 Batman V Superman TV Spots debuted beforehand and were just as important as superhero trailers interrupting that pigskin-throwing, jaw-busting, spine-grinding football match.
Yes, Turkish Airlines now offers flights to Gotham and Metropolis. Honestly, visiting either of these recently reconstructed locales increases your chances of laser-death by super-person, but….they both have pretty sunsets and an active nightlife.
Yeah, these were interesting, but I really wanted to see more Batman and Superman staring despicably at each other. Oh, and I wanted to see Aquaman. Ugh. Because we got faux airline advertisements and NOT the appearance of actual heroes slapping each other over state lines, I bumped it down to #3.
If you’re brave enough to visit one of these very volatile destinations, make sure you dress appropriately with some fashionable Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice merchandise.
4. The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows trailer!
And it’s FREEAKING KRAANG in the latest new Super Bowl 50 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows Trailer! It’s Rocksteady, Bebop and KRAANG! He’s housed in giant, cybernetic super-armor and manipulating levers and dials with medulla-grown flagella! Yes!
For ideas on what to wear before strapping on your shell, check out our full line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles merchandise. Uh…cowabunga, dude-person.
5. And finally…The new X-Men: Apocalypse trailer!
It’s the X-Men! While battling puberty, they’re also trying very hard to battle the Apocalypse given (super)human form! That’s right; it’s Apocalypse and he’s here to bring about an actual apocalypse because mutants in the 1980s are failing to assert themselves!!!
Why #5? I still really want to see this movie, and honestly, it looks amazing. BUT…it’s Apocalypse versus a bunch of fifteen year-old kids. If I had to put money on this contest, I would have to go with the dependable and experienced En Sabah Nur.
Before Apocalypse renders humanity to soft, pulpy stumps, I suggest you check out some of our mutant-friendly X-Men merchandise. Apocalypse may be merciful and allow a few, mutant-supporting humans to live and …uh…graze the wasteland that was once America.
Agree with my rankings? Want to celebrate me or skin me alive? Let me know BELOW!