On May 4th, 2018, Thanos comes to “town” (the Milky Way Galaxy) to mortally vandalize the Earth, and, well, all sentient life in an effort to appease his one, true love — Death (or some alien entity evolved beyond corporeal needs subsisting on the “spiritual” energy of all living things). Anyway, yes, Thanos is coming, and he has a collection of reality-altering Infinity Stones affixed to a mitten for convenient universe-palming.
Are The Avengers going to stand for this? Hell and NO! And yes, they’re kind of nursing a tiff, but when this ominously portended threat finally arrives, you bet your @$$ Tony and Steve are going to brother-up and protect the hell out of Earth, and by extension, all of creation.
BUT….this is going to cost them; it’s really, REALLY going to cost them. Thanos is a threat unlike any other — a cosmic threat who, without the Stones, is already as formidable as the Hulk. With the Stones, he can cast your incisors, your family, your cleft chin, and your comic collection into non-existence.
The Avengers will fight the good fight, but with an insurmountable force like Thanos, they’re not going to walk away unscathed. Sacrifices are going to be made, and heroes are going to fall in the line of planetary duty. So, who’s going to make said noble sacrifice or take an Infinity Stone force-blast to the face? I’m pretty sure one, or ALL of these Avengers are going to die at the hands of Thanos.
1. Steve Rogers, Captain America!
With actor Chris Evans’ contract ending, one might think Infinity War the perfect opportunity to heroically separate Captain America’s spirit from his mortal, flag-patterned super-body.
And yes, he left the shield behind at the end of Civil War, but you damn well know Tony will hand it back after they ‘brother-up’ ahead of the aforementioned, Thanos-induced, extinction-level event.
And because this is Cap we’re talking about, his sacrifice will be the one that turns the tide. He already handled the Infinity Gauntlet — albeit briefly – in the comics, so seeing him wrestle it away and use it against Thanos during his final, labored breaths will be an EPIC-WORTHY conclusion.
2. Hawkeye
Jeremy Renner has complained, although not too harshly, about Marvel Studios’ lack of focus on, well, Hawkeye. It seems his tenure has been more an act of toleration than a joyful movie-making experience.
We know he’ll be there for Infinity War AND Avengers 4, but maybe…maybe Renner decides he can’t hack it anymore. Maybe he wants out of this contract because he really wants to join Tom Cruise and the gang on the next Mission Impossible film. So, perhaps Marvel Studios relents, and Hawkeye’s carved in twain by Thanos’ especially effective, scythe-wielding member of the Black Order, Corvus Glaive.
3. The Scarlet Witch!
There were rumors that several death scenes were filmed during Captain America: Civil War, and the Scarlet Witch was apparently a recipient of one such scene. Well, as we all know, it never actually manifested, but what if it was filmed during Civil War for a later inclusion in Infinity War?
Perhaps she’s one of Thanos’ very first victims in the opening 7 minutes; Thanos simply waves his hand on the surface of Mars, and cutting back to Wanda making French toast in the kitchen, she simply disappears. I’m sure that scene could be filmed very, very easily at any time and at almost any locale.
4. The Vision!
The Mind Stone, one of the vastly powerful Infinity Stones, is affixed to his forehead. Guess who’s going to forcefully remove it from his forehead in order to completely bejewel the Infinity Mitten? That’s right — Thanos is going to see the inset stone above Vision’s calm brow and rip it the hell out.
Well, Vision, it was certainly nice knowing you. Yes, you inadvertently crippled James Rhodes, but you certainly didn’t deserve death by soup ladle to the skull.
5. The Falcon!
Sam is grossly overmatched, and I say that when he’s confronted by the ice cream man. Thanos will grab him by the wings and throw him like a javelin at Mach 3 into the Empire State Building, and perhaps through a few lollygagging Avengers. Sam, you should excuse yourself before your corpse becomes a high velocity man-dart.
6. The Fantastic Four!
What? Yes! FOX and Disney are negotiating the return of previously sold character rights back to Marvel/Disney. Perhaps Disney seals 95.8% of the deal before Infinity War, allowing Marvel Studios to use the FF for 15-minutes during the final battle with Thanos.
Reed and his extended family show up, activate the “Ultimate Nullifier” — which, yes, “nullifies” the power of the Infinity Stones — and ram the “Fantasta-Shuttle” — the hollowed-out corpse of Galactus — into the terrible Titan until he’s summarily squashed all to hell. Oh, and then the FF get pulled back into ‘Dimension FOX,’ which is actually worse than death.
And… separately, each of them has been a member of The Avengers at some point in their careers, so…MLEEEEEEEH! (That’s the sound one makes when sticking out one’s tongue!)
7. Iron Man!
This will NEVER HAPPEN — Marvel Studios would sooner recast the role than completely obliterate the MCU cash-cow. BUT, maybe Tony Stark — guilt-ridden by his overly stern treatment of comrades throughout Civil War — steps up, dons some sort of cosmically powered super-armor, and holds off Thanos in a defensive maneuver to grant his costumed cohorts time to regroup.
Maybe Tony Stark — the ultimate, self-absorbed egotist — holds the freaking line, giving the Avengers the opening necessary to introduce Thanos to a proper Earth ass-kicking. The Avengers turn the tide and vanquish the foe, but Tony….Tony Stark dies.
It was surprisingly difficult to type that. If I see it transpire on the big screen, I’m probably going to slip into a coma.
Am I crazy? Is everyone going to make it? Or…or are we going to lose some Avengers in the ultimate battle of relatively good vs. evil??
