Replace the Yule Log with Five Hours of Burning Darth Vader


Yep, get rid of the Yule Log. If that request isn’t registering, then I’m suggesting you get rid of your Yule Log video. Okay, now you’re understanding. Anyway, get rid of the real thing or a projection of the real thing, because now there’s something better (and even better-better if you’re a Star Wars fan): a 5 hour video showing Darth Vader burning in a funeral pyre.

Okay, technically, it’s not the body of Darth Vader but the remains of his suit. Jedi, you see, are much too polite to leave a body behind; after physical death, a Jedi’s body disappears (for lack of a better word) to become one with the infinitely permeating Force cloud. If (and when) we see them again, it’s in the form of a moderately transparent blue ghost telling you to either wash behind your ears or call your mother more often.

Wait, how did Darth Vader end up ablaze on a funeral pyre? You remember the end of Return of the Jedi, right? When Vader sacrificed himself to save his son Luke from the Force-projecting digits of Emperor Palpatine? Yeah, he didn’t fare too well, dying in his son’s arms sans evil robot mask. Luke, respectful of his father and lamenting a relationship that never was, took the remains and…well, burned them, hence the very beginning of this video I’m going on about.

So, press play, sit back and relax. Dismiss the Holiday hustle and bustle with a full glass of wine and the soothing, crackling flames consuming the dark, robotic remnants of a father released to light.